relationships take work

If experience has taught me anything, it is that relationships take work! Our connections with spouses, children, parents, co-workers, neighbors, and friends can require various skills if we hope to maintain healthy relationships.

What are these skills, you might ask? Consider this: when interacting with others, we often need and employ wisdom, discernment, compassion, understanding, clarity, social awareness, patience, knowledge, humor, boldness, humility, and an appropriate sense of timing to navigate various situations effectively. And this is not even a complete list!

No wonder we sometimes shrink away from people. We sense that we lack the necessary social skills to engage with a stranger, comfort a hurting church member, respond to an angry co-worker, or counsel a family member in despair. I believe we can subtly convince ourselves that we lack something essential for us to have meaningful conversations. The truth is, we may indeed be weaker in certain social skills that would help us better communicate. But as believers, we have something far more valuable than skills. We have Christ, His Word, and the Holy Spirit dwelling within us! So, despite our limitations and weaknesses, God supplies what we need to grow us in these areas (2 Peter 1:3).

I am grateful that Scripture provides instruction to help us grow in our people skills, Christ’s life serves as our perfect example, and the Holy Spirit guides us as we yield to Him daily. In this article, I will highlight five ways Scripture guides us in the areas we should try to grow in as we endeavor to connect meaningfully with others.

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence."– 2 Peter 1:3

love TAKEs THE FIRST STEP: take initiative

1 John 4:19 – “We love because He first loved us.”
It is in the very character of our Lord to take the initiative. From Genesis to Revelation, God’s loving and divine initiative reaches out to humanity, inviting us into a personal relationship with Him. If we are to grow in Christlikeness, we must also grow in our ability to take the initiative. Consider the lost, the brokenhearted, the lonely, the needy, and the outcast. Rarely do we envision someone in one of these categories taking the initiative to reach out. Instead, throughout Scripture, we see neighbors and friends taking action to bring others to Christ. And in turn, it was Christ Himself who continually moved toward people. Taking initiative requires us to engage first—to invite others to join us, ask meaningful questions, offer to pray with those who are hurting, and take the time to share the good news of the Gospel. Who in your life needs you to take the first step today?

DISCERN THE MOMENT: GrOw IN SOCIAL AWARENESS

Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”
Speaking the right words at the right time can be challenging, especially if we struggle to pick up on social cues. However, we can take comfort in knowing that God promises to give wisdom to those who ask (James 1:5). Before entering a conversation where we feel unequipped or unprepared, we should seek our Heavenly Father, asking for the wisdom to discern the needs of the moment. We can ask the Lord to help us know when to listen, when to speak, what to say, and when to say it. Yet if we often find ourselves struggling in this area—despite God’s promise to provide wisdom—could it be that we simply fail to ask? Could it be that our tendency to rely on our own understanding is rooted in in a measure of pride? If we hope to grow in discernment and speak words that are timely, fitting, and life-giving, we must first acknowledge our need for God’s wisdom. He is ready to help us navigate conversations with grace, clarity, and understanding—if only we seek Him.

keep up the connections: follow up

Philippians 2:4 – “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others.”
Over the last several decades, media and technology have enabled us to become more connected than ever. Emails, text messages, and social media allow us to “connect” with more people on a larger scale. However, I believe these same technologies have subtly made us less personal, less relational, and briefer in our interactions. Real connections are not built on one-word texts, emoji responses, or quick social media exchanges. They take time—our time. Genuine fellowship requires us to slow down, invest in meaningful conversations, share meals together, and follow up on what we discussed before. Instead of settling for shallow interactions, we must intentionally invest in others—remembering their struggles, praying for them, and demonstrating love through thoughtful follow-ups. Biblical love doesn’t just greet people; it pursues them.

consider your words: speak with grace

Proverbs 16:24 – “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”
How often do we consider the impact of our words on others? The Bible makes it clear that our words hold power—they can build up or tear down, heal or wound. Proverbs reminds us that gracious words bring life and health to those who hear them. Words spoken in anger, haste, or without consideration can damage relationships, undermine our testimony, and, most importantly, grieve our Lord. As Christians, we have been entrusted with the words of life and we personally know the One who spoke grace over us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). When we speak, we should do so with intentionality—desiring that our words reflect Christ and impart grace to those who hear them (Ephesians 4:29).

be present: GIVE your full attention

Mark 10:21 – “And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing…’”
When reading the Gospels, do you ever get the sense that Jesus was distracted? Can you picture Him walking down the street, staring at a scroll while interacting with His disciples or those He healed? Of course not! In every encounter, Jesus was fully present. Whether speaking with His disciples, healing the sick, ministering to the needy, or even responding to those who opposed Him, He gave them His full attention. Christ often pulled people aside for the sole purpose of making them the center of His focus. In the same way, we should consider what our body language and actions communicate to those we interact with. Are we truly engaged, or are we distracted? Giving someone our full attention shows them they are valuable—and more importantly, it reflects the character of Christ, who always made time for people. If our Lord was never too busy to be fully present, then neither should we be.